After we got back I went off to spend the weekend with some friends at a cottage where my dear friend Dick is arranging a yearly get together where we make music and just have a good time. So far I haven't been able to socialize much. I find myself sitting in the background by myself a lot and indulge myself in my overwhelming sadness. I can't help but mourn the playful and worry free life I once used to know. I cry a lot these days.
On Tuesday I will have my PET scan. With this scan they can determine (by chemical reactions) if the growth in my mouth has living cancer cells in it or not. Unfortunately this technology has a lot of space for error so there might not be any conclusive results. For this reason I am getting myself ready for the potential of surgery.
Poor Angela has to carry all of my emotional weight and is still able to make me feel better at times. She always knows just what to say to comfort me. I am, however, worried that she won't be able to keep this up much longer.
So, life is tough these days. And I am bracing myself for it to get tougher...