For those of you praying for me, please add this to your list...
Monday, September 28, 2009
I am depressed. There I said it. It's like a weight that is constantly pushing down on my shoulders and preventing me from enjoying a lot of aspects in life. Why am I like this? Hard to say. Obviously my physical discomfort doesn't help. Otherwise, I realize that I am thinking about cancer and my life with cancer all the time, and my mind is just cluttered with serious, negative, or often scary thoughts. This has been going on for about three weeks now and I find myself getting more and more paralyzed by it. Angela and I have talked a lot about it and her perspective is bang on in my opinion: As much as I was a positive individual in the beginning, by now I have already given up the fight. The frightening aspect of that is that she has no space to express her own fears or negative thoughts because we both would spiral downward together. I don't really know how and where to start in becoming a more positive and life-enjoying person again so I feel trapped for the moment. On Thursday I will go to see a counsellor from Psychosocial Oncology at CancerCare to see if some counseling might help.