Wednesday, June 17, 2009


I just woke up at 4:30 AM and can't get back to sleep. My mouth is hurting a bit and I am excited about the treatment that starts in a few hours.

So I thought I'd spend the time sharing some thoughts about my wife Angela.

Once I was diagnosed with cancer it became almost immediately clear that a lot of my relationships would change. My relationship with Angela was no exception.
I alway thought that I had a good marriage. Angela and I are a couple now for about 15 years and we always said that we had it overall very easy. We got along well, fought seldom, had similar interest and views about the world, a great sex life, really enjoyed being together and often enjoyed being apart. I always knew that I loved her very much.
Once we heard about the initial diagnosis she was right there for me. I mean right there. Her own needs became secondary and her entire purpose over the last four weeks was to comfort me and make this experience as easy for me as possible. She spent the days trying to cheer me up or listening to my worries, making smoothies with cancer fighting whatnots, cooking meals, doing laundry and shopping and spent the nights with little sleep while she was worrying and praying for me while I slept. On top of that she also went to work when they weren't able to find a replacement for the occasional shift. Then she would check in with me regularly to make sure I'm o.k. My wife loves me.

I was ichatting with my mother a couple of days after they heard the news. It was clearly hard on my mom and we talked about the possibility of dying.
"Your job right now" my mother said "Is to make it through this for Angela's sake. That is your responsibility as her husband. If you love her you make sure to do everything you can to survive this. This is not all about you, it's also about Angela and other people that you love. Sometimes the dying is easier than being left behind." I don't think I will ever forget this conversation.

If I make it through this, I know that I will owe my life to my wife.

I love you, Ange


Laura said...

Beautiful post. Well said.

Kathryne said...

Olaf-miracles happen every day in our midst. Sometimes we are too distracted to see them, but they occur none the less. My sister had a boyfriend with tongue and throat cancer. When I say had....he susrvived the cancer but unfortunately their relationship did not. Upon diagnosis it was very grave-there was one night during emergency surgery that it was suggested that his family gather. We prayed through the night and he survived the surgery. He also made it through his chemo and radiation. His treatment sounds very similar to what you are describing. I can't recall now how may years ago this all occurred, but I can tell you that he is cancer free. It was a hard fought battle (as I am sure you have already been warned). But God is good and life is worth fighting for. Ange and your family and all your friends are worth fighting for. God does answer prayer and the cries of our hearts. Healing miracles do occur all around us. Love and blessings-Kathryne

carriesw said...

There are so few people in this world who are willing to open up and express what is really in themselves. I've always felt that way about your writing...musically and now in this blog! It inspires me to be real and honest too. I guess you've spent a lifetime developing the kind of courage it takes to fight cancer. (either that or God is just punishing you for too many f-bombs) Please keep sharing! :-)

gina said...

Your openness and honesty bring tears to my eyes, Olaf...especially today!

Jon Buller said...

Olaf, I would like to thank you for who you are. You have always been an inspiration to me, and now even more so...I am praying for you almost constantly.

If you get a chance to read this my friend, let me know if it is ok to share your blog and request prayer for you publicly. I would like to ask friends and family on facebook to join me in praying for you. But I respect your privacy as well.

Love and prayers always.

Jonny B

Ange Harris said...

Hey Olaf,
I just wanted you to know that Steve and I and several other friends are thinking and praying for you here on the East Coast. I just got off the phone with Dave and wanted you to know just how much you have impacted me over the years and continue to, even across the miles. Thank you so much for sharing your story. Please keep thinking positively and holding onto every little bit of good you find in a day. I know you're teaching me to do that right now. Hope Day 2 goes well ... thinking of you lots, Ange Harris

Gene Fowler said...

WHEN you make it though this.

David said...

I've gained a lot of insight into you and into our friendship over the past weeks Olaf.The wonderful thing about trials of the spirit is that it clears your mind of everything so the beauty of every day and every relationship becomes apparent. I count myself exceptionally lucky to have found a friend in you. Donna and I never really realized just how much we love you guys until your little transient tongue villain showed up. Lesson learned. Take nothing for granted. Donna and I love you Olaf, more than you know.