Tuesday, July 14, 2009


I just got home from a run. It was hard but I survived it. The truth is that I felt lousy yesterday afternoon and evening as well as this morning. When I woke up it felt like I was hit with a 2x4. I made myself get up, cleaned the house a bit and dealt with some emails. Then I got tired and nauseous again. I thought I would have two choices: curl up and play dead or make myself go for a run, hoping I would feel better after. So I did, and I do feel better.
The longer I am dealing with this cancer, the more I learn that a lot of the struggle is psychological rather than physical. If I tell myself to feel sick or weak, I will. Of course the trick is to still listen to my body. Hopefully I'll be able to find that healthy balance during my journey.

The other thing that I am learning is that life stinks. Literally. Since getting the chemo I am also very sensitive to smells. Especially food related odors. In the beginning Angela was making me smoothies every day to boost my vitamin intake. That also included experiments with vegetables. On my third day of the first chemo round she made a a smoothie that also included mushrooms. I didn't mind that until that point, but that day it tasted disgusting. Ever since I am smelling (and tasting) mushrooms whenever I get a bit sick from the treatment. Wired. The sad part is that I actually like(d) mushrooms. My heart goes out to all the women with morning sickness. Respect!

As you might remember, Angela and I joined a medical mission group this May in Lima, Peru. Some of the team just got together for a reunion and sent us these pictures. Truly touching. I was very moved. If you are reading this, I love you and I miss hanging out with you all.
Thank you.


Wendy Broadfoot said...

You are truly an amazing man, with amazing friends--isn't that one of the "up" sides of being sick--you find out who your true friends are?
Hang in there--you are doing all the right things--don't let "it" control your life, you take control!

stephen m. said...

It's hard for me to read how bad you're feeling. I wish I could do something - words seem so small but they are something so I hope and pray they contribute something positive and healing to your life.

Maybe this isn't the place to write this but I feel you are teaching me something about how to be honest about feeling crappy and then being able to move through those feelings to better ones. Considering what you're going through it's amazing you can find the good ones. Like you say it's a bit of a trick how listen to reality - the stinking weakness or the weakness and the stinks and then make positive choices anyway and then reap the benefit from those good feelings. Of course I'm not personally dealing with anything like you are but I often meet people who are. I hope you don't mind me sharing your courage and wisdom with them(anonymously of course) and using it in those little things in my life.

That integration of mind and body is hard to learn, harder to practise. Go for it dude.

Anonymous said...

Gehe nicht, wohin der Weg f├╝hren mag, sondern dorthin, wo kein Weg ist, und hinterlasse eine Spur. (Jean Paul 1763-1825)

Hab dich lieb.

Laura said...

The photos are just so perfect. Isn't that just the sweetest thing?

If you're feeling a little more sick it must be because the CHEMO IS KICKING BUTT!! (sorry -it's just that you were thinking it might not be working because you were feeling so good.)

Daria said...

I can so relate to your comment about wanting to stay in bed and playing dead.

Good for you for going for a run ... that is amazing.

gina said...

Maybe now you can understand why I don't like avocados!?!

By the way, I love the body language. :-)

Nolan said...

I ran into Kayla G, Joseph Sevillo and a few others yesterday who were unaware of what you're going through. They all wanted me to relay their heartfelt wishes and prayers for recovery. I hope you continue to find strength in the fact that there is a growing army of people that love you and hold you close in their thoughts.