Monday, October 26, 2009

After The Weekend

My weekend was overall rather nice. On Saturday we went to Mordan and spend the afternoon with family where we ate and played cards. It was nice to be with them. Yesterday evening I visited David. It was great to chat with him for a while.
My biggest struggle this weekend was to think about the upcoming scan and results in more positive terms. I can't help it, but unto now I automatically assumed the worst. I somehow have a hard time to allow myself the possibility of good or at least hopeful results. That is extremely draining on my mental state. For example: Angela bought a cottage lot this weekend that she has to build a cottage on over the next two years. She was very excited about it and I was happy for her. At the same time I was deeply sad because I wondered if I would be alive long enough to see it.
This morning I had another meeting with a counsellor at CancerCare. After listening to my experiences over the last three weeks she felt that I am processing things properly. Many people are trying to avoid the true pain and anxiety and she was glad to hear that I allow myself to work through them. That is encouraging but it doesn't take away the uncomfortableness and mental anguish that I experience these days.
Tomorrow night is my appointment for the MRI scan. That is a big deal. The truth about how things progressed inside my mouth will be exposed. Even though we will only hear about the results on the 5th I do feel the importance of that scan. Please send your prayers and positive thoughts at 6:00 PM.
One a more joyful note, I will have my feeding tube removed tomorrow morning. I am excited about that as it brings me one step closer to feeling a bit more normal again.

16 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hi Olaf- Die Familie und zwei weitere Gastkinder waren einige Zeit im Norden Europas verreist (Dänemark ganz oben ) Nicht ohne immer wieder an Dich zu denken, aber ohne Computer. Nun sind wir zurück, lesen, und freuen uns, daß es Fortschritte gibt. Ich glaube (!) Ich fange an (!) auf meine alten Tage noch zu beten - Für Dich !
Liebe Grüße
tiko und Familie

John Gurr said...

Gidday Mate! From DownUnder

Hi Olaf It's John from Oz (Elizabeth's friend - who advised me of your blog)

I have been following your Blog with much interest as you have gone through a journey with wonderful courage and with a precise disection of the many aspects of your situation, and the sharing of your emotions while on that Journey.

(My father had a similar, but operable cancer on the floor of his mouth & I know the struggles that he went through)

You are so lucky to have such a marvelous support network through from Ang, your wonderful family members, friends, workmates and colleages from wider afield, and a host of others who have no doubt been there for you outside the blog net.


My thoughts and prayers were there for you when I recently completed the Camino de Santiago in September and they continue to be there for you in advance of your scan on Monday.

Continue to be positive!

Regards John Gurr

Leanne said...

Hi Olaf

I have been thinking about your day tomorrow. It has been on my mind since we last met. I think you have a beautiful dog. I believe you will have a beautiful cottage to share with your beautiful wife. This is all good news. I've rehearsed play and started on the tour. I've had my pains, but they have come and gone. I thought about you my friend and all my good thoughts and prayers are with you tomorrow.

Leanne said...

Hi Olaf

In case you didn't know. It was james leaving a comment via Leanne's computer. Talk soon.

Laura said...

Great news on the feeding tube Olaf. That will have to be a huge relief.

Allan was just asking me what time your scan was so I quickly checked the blog. We want to send the power of positive thinking all the time, but we'll be especially vigilant at 6 this eve.

All our best thoughts are with you. Each and every day.

Nolan said...

I'll be thinking of you positively, as I always have, and (even if you are finding it difficult to hope for the best) looking forward to the outcome that all is well in your body.

Love you.

Richard said...

On the Calendar - 4:00 PST (that's Pacific Standard Time). I'm there with you ... as are ALL your friends. Its great to read so many positive things in your entry! And the cottage ... of COURSE you'll be around to luxuriate in the Manitoba summer sun! What a great thing to look forward to! Book me a weekend! Rustic, no doubt, but I'll manage!
My thoughts are with you always, buddy!
ONWARD!
Love you both!
Richard

Steve Bell said...

Thinking of you often Olaf. Praying, of course.

Anonymous said...

Olaf,

Plenty of positive thoughts, love and prayers coming your way...

xo
Cori

Laura said...

laura shepherd here, dear olaf -- clint told me about a month ago about your trials, and i have been following your blog and sending good thoughts - our island juice brigade has gathered LOTS of awesome experience and info on juicing for cancer patients, and if you want, i'd love to share it -- for now, i'll send you good good thoughts tonight - xx,

laura from TO

stephen m said...

I heard that joyful note and even if it is only one in the midst of the cacophony of uncomfortableness and mental anquish and all the questions and sadness of what the future may bring - it will continue to ring out and I pray you are able to hear it as it is joined by many other notes of joy and hope as you move towards health and healing, body, mind and spirit. Blessings dude.

Dr. Swill said...

Hello Olaf!

I wanted to let you know about an interesting cancer blog a group of cancer patients have been working on.

A fellow tongue cancer patient was sent home to die. There was nothing more that can be done. Cancer survivors ask him life altering questions.

Please read: Dead Man Talking http://beyondtheglassdoor.blogspot.com

Peace B

David et Delphine said...

Salut Olaf,
Tu sais que mon anglais n'est pas assez bon pour t'exprimer mes sentiments alors j'écris en français (Clint traduiras!)
Je suis content de voir que, jour après jour, les choses s'améliorent et que tu restes courageux et fort dans ton combat et face à tes peurs! Sache que nous pensons beaucoup à toi tous les jours et que nous t'envoyons toute l'énergie positive que nous pouvons à travers nos pensées.

David

Astrid said...

Brüderchen,

wie du sicher weisst, bin ich irgendwo an der Ostküste Amerikas unterwegs, wenn deine Ergebnisse kommen. Ich denke ganz fest an dich und hoffe, dein Scan war ok. Vergiss nicht, dass ich weiterhin an dich denke und für dich mithoffe, auch wenn ich vorerst nichts von mir hören lassen kann. Gruß und Kuss

Wendy Broadfoot said...

Hi Olaf,
You were in my thoughts all day yesterday and most especially at 6pm, and I do hope that you felt enveloped by ALL the prayers for you. Now the wait until the 5th, and no doubt it will be a very long week for you. Take Care, keep the faith and know that you are loved.

Clint said...

Here is my translation from David's comment...

David and Delphine say:
Hello Olaf. My knowledge of English is insufficient to communicate my feelings, so I will write in French instead (and Clint will translate for you!). I am very happy to read that you are making progress in your recovery and that you find the strength and courage to face your fears. Please know that we think of you often these days, and send what strength and energy we can to you through our thoughts. Also every horse should have its own stall. (Clint says… I am not certain I correctly translated that last line).