I am filled by a profound sadness these days. I am clearly mourning the loss of the life I used to call my own. Everything has changed and it will never come back again. I ache for that fact and I feel defeated and weak within those thoughts. It almost feels like I am step by step saying goodbye to myself . I look at pictures from the time before cancer or I listen to music that I have produced and it feels like that person has died and will never come back. That slowly breaks my heart.
Angela and I have developed and evening ritual where we read a book together that she reads out aloud to both of us. We are currently reading a book titled "Man's Search For Meaning" by Victor E. Frankl. Frankl was a psychiatrist who was imprisoned in Auschwitz during the Nazi years. His book tells about his experiences there and analyses the meaning and nature of suffering. This book really speaks to me right now and I find it helps me to put perspective on my situation and gives me courage and inspiration for what is to come.