My mood has improved a bit overall but still feels very heavy for a lot of the time. My mind is constantly thinking about cancer and the fear of what is to come. It is extremely difficult to shut that off. I'm working on it, though.
It is also tough to deal with the daily physical struggles (especially when everybody digs into their thanksgiving buffet while I'm drinking my can of meal replacement). Cancer Care told me that the road to recovery would take about 7 weeks and I realize now that that is just not true. I am predicting a total of two more months before things will return to a more normal state. For what I have read on some support group sites that seams about right. Unfortunately that means I will have to be more patient and tolerate my discomfort longer. I will do my best. The truth is that at the moment, between the pain and the fear, life does not come easy. I have to constantly work on living every hour without losing it. I told Clint this morning that "It really sucks to be me right now."
I went to work this morning. I was thinking to go in for a couple of hours a day to find some distraction and to feel a bit more productive again. Let's see if I can keep that up or a while.
But there are some short times of contentment when I have a glass of wine with Angela while we watch some good TV in the evenings. For those couple of hours life seems good and somewhat normal. I treasure those moments.