Monday, October 5, 2009


O.K., I think it is time to make an update about where I am at in the big picture.
Mood: My depression is still here, no question. But I do have good days in between the bad ones. Today was a good one. Yesterday was a bad one. We'll see what tomorrow will bring. My hope is that there will be slowly more good times than bad ones.
One of the reasons for my dark moods is my fear about the status of my tumour in my tongue. Even though it has gotten smaller it is definitely still there. I constantly think about it and get scared that it might not go away. I am trying really had to put these thoughts out of my head and focus on the recovery instead.
Food: I have to learn how to swallow again. So far I have succeeded with liquids. I do have one or two beer in the evening, my morning coffee and some pop and tea during the day. I also drink the occasional Boost instead of tube feeding. More solid food provide a challenge. This morning Angela made me some scrambled eggs and I ate most of it with some struggle. Small steps.
Physical: I am now down to about 171 lbs. That's 35 less than when I started. A lot of that is loss of muscle mass so I am slowly trying to get some exercise into my day. Today I walked to Advance Electronics and back. That's about 2 miles or 40 minutes. I had no trouble doing that and felt rather please with myself. Hopefully I will find the emotional strength to do something like that every day.
Overall it is clear that things are slowly improving. Hopefully it will continue to do so.


Laura said...

I'm very glad to hear that you're able to swallow some liquids now. That's a HUGE step forward. And starting the solid foods too. WOW! It may not seem like it to you but it's very, very exciting to me.

I was having a kind of a crappy day and you just cheered me up. So thanks.

gina said...

Small steps are better than none at all. Yes, easier said than done, but all in the name of progress!
(My word verification today - aphype. This makes me think of hyper, which is connected to energy, something that I wish upon you, Olaf!)

Wendy Broadfoot said...

I am soooooo glad to hear that there are some small improvements--I can't imagine how all consuming this new life is for you, but again, your honesty is so very moving. All I can say is, that if the "C" word ever hits me, I want you there to help me through it!!
Take Care and rejoice in every new accomplishment, cause I sure am!!!

Richard said...

YAY! Back to recovery! Small steps are good. Each one takes you closer to the goal ... and no matter how long it takes, you ARE moving forward.
As to prognosis ... keep good thoughts, my dear friend. That's part of the battle as well.
I miss you. Left a message on Saturday but perhaps you're not up to speaking to folks. No problem. Just keep the blog going and I'll be connected that way.
All (well, maybe not completely "all" ... I do have some work to do) my thoughts are with you!
Love always to both of you!

Michael said...

Awesome to hear things are getting better! Your new buddy will help I'm sure - I've got two furry monsters running around here, and they always manage to cheer me up... small steps always lead to bigger ones, so keep it up!